I haven't written about my parents so far, so here it goes:
My dad's a 53 year old retired Air Force officer. He's a great guy, but we don't really talk much.
We only speak when it's necessary (eg. when I go to ask for something, or when he calls me to send me on an errand, or when he's bored and calls me to talk about school).
This is because when I was a kid, he was always traveling and going on peacekeeping as a military officer. So we hadn't the time to connect. To be honest, he's not present in any of my childhood memories.
Dad talks a little like Mufasa from The Lion King. When I'm at school and he calls me on my cellphone, his voice gets really Mufasa-like. At the end of the call he usually says
"Remember to do your homework...Remember...Remember" (Read it out loud in Mufasa's voice)
In my mind I'd be like "Okay I will. No need to get dramatic".
My dad's the kind of person to complain about every damn think he sees out of place. No matter how little it is, he makes a big deal out of it.
"Why is the refrigerator open? he says
"Who made that little stain on the wall?! Call everyone! We're having a family meeting immediately!"
Dad's doesn't like trouser sagging, an uncut hair, putting on earphones, wearing sneakers...(Pretty much anything that defines a teenager).
Anytime I let my hair grow, he complains and I have to cut it. When I cut it, he says:
"You need a haircut, when last did you cut your hair?"
"Uhm, the day before yesterday"
"That long?! Go cut it again!"
That's the reason I dodge him anytime I hear him approaching. The annoying thing's that he doesn't do anything that contradicts his rules, and so he can't be criticized. His head is as smooth as a baby's ass.
Although one thing I like about him is his dissing. Whenever we travel to the village for Christmas or New Year, he makes us laugh in the car by making fun of random people on the sidewalk.
Once, we passed a church where a large wedding was held. There were only two cars on the church premises. My dad pointed at the cars and said
"Wayo!" (This is a native exclamation that kinda means "Damn!") "Look at the number of people at that wedding, but there are only two cars there."
***
I'll write about my mum on my next post.
In the meantime, here's what happened on Sunday (16th) and Monday (17th).
Sunday
The governor of my state died in a helicopter crash o Saturday. So this weekend there was political talk and cogitations everywhere. Word on the street is that the death is a conspiracy, and a precursor for a larger devious plan. I think people are being a little too dramatic.
The cause of the crash is unknown, and probably will never be known. Let's face it, Nigeria has bad security forensics teams. You see them in black suits and dark shades, looking professional and all; but they can't do anything. After the inspection, one of the forensics experts was asked for the cause of the crash. Here is his analysis: "Big iron bird fly, big iron bird fall" (Note: For those who would believe this, know that it's only a joke, or rather an exaggeration).
The governor was pronounced dead even before it was professionally confirmed. It went like:
Announcer: "The governor died in a helicopter crash"
People: Has it been confirmed?
Announcer: Well, not really, but what's your point?
Enough about the governor, let's talk about my day.
Service wasn't boring today. The sermon was about the holiness of God. In order to make a point, the pastor used several examples to portray the 'filthiness of filth'. So he spent the first 10 minutes of the sermon talking about poo, toilets, odor, and other dirty stuff. It was really unprofessional.
There were two lovely ladies sitting in front of me during the service. One of them repeatedly glanced behind her to take quick peeks at me (by the way, I looked quite debonair today). I just winked at her a couple of times to assure her that her glances are not in vain. I know what you're thinking "I'm not supposed to do that in church". But it isn't a sin because I'm not married, and therefore I'm still in the bachelors market.
Immediately the service was over, I slipped a small piece of paper into her palms. My phone number was written on the paper. It might sound strange, but I usually carry a piece of paper with my number on it in case of emergency or on the spur of the moment flirts.
I went called Vanessa to let her know I was on my way to pick her up for the party. She told me she was on her way there with two of her friends.
I made my entrance with class. Going into the hotel premises in my mum's car, I parked up, opened the door, and put one leg out of the car.
The idea was to be dramatic. I even thought of getting out in slow mo (but that would have looked retarded).
I saw Vanessa ad her friends looking at me from a distance. I caught one of her friends pointing at me as if asking "Is that the guy? wow, he's so fly"
I walked up to them and hugged Vanessa.
"Hello ladies"
"Hi" The two girls said. They were both pretty. But not as pretty as Vanessa.
"Abel, these are my two BFFs Tina and Esther"
"Nice to meet you", "any girlfriend of Vanessa is my girlfriend"
This joke was succeeded by a moment of laughter.
"Karl you haven't changed at all" Vanessa said, still chuckling.
"Why should I? I'd lose a lot of friends if a change my personality"
"Even though I've only just met you, I'll support you on that." Tina said
"Yeah, at first when I saw you getting out of your car I thought you'd be one of those boring classy guys". I smiled when Esther said this.
"Well, I believe life's too short to not have an appealing sense of humor". I gave Vanessa a slight push with my shoulders as I said this.
"Do you want me to fall? I'm wearing high heels!"
"Why would you wear high heels when you knew you were going partying with me? You won't be able to contend with me during our dance off"
I'll write what happened next on my next post.
Hope you liked this one :)
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